Don't know.

 I don't know what is going on in my head, my life. It feels lonely and I am not sure where I am heading any more. 

I have never feel this depressed ever before and I feel all my life choices have led me to this place where I am all alone. It is a difficult thing to keep going on in life with this thought that no-one loves me and never has. 

I can't sort out if these feeling are real or part of life changes as I am growing older. Some times I think I am confirming these thoughts by not having any one to talk to. I have never lived in my head so much. But I seem to not move on from this feeling of no happiness.

And I hate my job to top it all - not sure my feeling are consequences of the job or the dislike of my job is the consequence of my feelings.

And on top of that I am not feeling physically well either. God what is happening in life.

Path forward

What is the difference between letting things come to you and trying to achieve something 

Is it ok to push yourself to be better, to try to do the best in everything you do. To find the issues and problems to solve.  The world, people set expectations and define boundaries in which we have to perform and live in. I know I have always pushed the boundaries and I think that has what has gotten me where I am now. But I think even when the there are best of intentions there is heartbreak and disappointment and the feeling of being let down, when they are not reciprocated with appreciation. Then there are times when 

I never thought that conflict between trying to always do better and be better 

so maybe the problem is the expectations at the end. But I am not sure how much more detached I can be.

Extraordinary

When you are extraordinary but you do the simplest things with care.

Unexplained connection - little book of humanism

I started a new job last week... Went to a new city, well more like a town. I picked up this book there and it has wonderful words to live by. 

On my way back from there I had a strangest sensation that I was leaving something behind. All my life I have had these feelings that moment, this person, this place is of significance to me. And as I life unfolds things reveal themselves. I don't know yet if it is the place or the people or something else that will make difference but I know something will. 

For now what I do know is that the book I picked up from the book shop there is worth a read and let's wait for rest to follow. 

 weather you can keep on loving all different versions of each other

When all of life's adventures are done and you come to a pause... Hope you come looking for me at that bend again. 

 When the search of destination leads to the path itself and you realise that the destination is completely different from what you imagined

Quotes

Renunciation is not getting rid of the things of this world, but accepting that they pass away.
Aitken Roshi

कभी तकरार
कभी इन्तिज़ार
कभी ऐतेबार

किसीसे शिकायत
किसीसे आशिएँ

और कूदसे ?

रोका क्यों जब बढ़ना चाहा
और जब फिर रुकने को दिल चाहा, तो रह चुनने की समझ दी 

State of head

named entity recognition, entity resolution, disambiguation, query expansion, spell checker, topic area, taxonomy, matrix calculation, semantic tagging, enrichment

Strange but true

Journey of life can hard on those of us who travel alone.
--Poirot

Notes - Lean Architecture

Great design is finding just the right solution that let's you have your cake and eat it too, but competent design is realising when the business just won't allow such magic, owning up to that realisation, and making hard decisions based on the consequences of that realisation.

This is probably the most difficult thing to do if you are a perfectionist and it takes a toll to continuously keep doing this. Together with this should also go a warning that know what is your compromise limit.

Notes - Lean Architecture

A culture of stopping or slowing down to get the quality right the first time to enhance productivity in the long run

"Software has no equivalent in laws of physics" this doesn't sound right....